American exceptionalism is the belief that our country is the best—because we say it is, loudly, with flags and fireworks.
Stephen Colbert
Ah, America… land of the free, home of the brave, and in 2025, the domain of the utterly perplexing. Face-palm level of perplexing, truth be told.
The second coming of Trump has certainly made for fascinating times, and we’re only in the 81st day of what looks to be a very long four years. And by ‘fascinating’, think of that morbid curiosity you have, forcing you to look when driving past a zero-survivability car wreck. Or train wreck, if you prefer.
As I write this, we’re enjoying a 90-day intermission in the latest tariff clown show episode, an across-the-board tariffpalooza announced on “Liberation Day”, a day many Americans saw themselves being liberated of their 401K savings when stock markets started tanking. And then the bond markets started to see yields rise as bonds were apparently being dumped as well. It’s speculated that it’s the latter that made Trump announce a 90-day pause on the announced tariffs – except for China, which is a side plot we’ll explore another day.
True to expectations, the stock markets rebounded, almost (but not quite) to where they were before the broad (and sometimes ridiculous) tariffs were unleashed on a bemused world. The bond market, too, has seen yields drop since then. Oh, wait… they’re up again.
And if you’re asking, “So wtf was the point of causing this worldwide distress?”, you are in good company. It’s almost mid-April, and it seems as though not a day has gone by since January 20th that news coming out of the US hasn’t induced a palm-to-the-face reaction. Or even laughter-induced nausea for those with tickle-prone esophaguses.
Be that as it retchingly may, Trump and his administration, through their schoolyard bully bravado, deadpan “I can’t believe it’s not butter bullshit”-styled press conferences delivered by White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, aka Propaganda Barbie, and the many other seemingly inane actions and antics – too many to itemize – have given American Exceptionalism a whole new meaning in 2025.
America: Exceptionally Arrogant
America assumes it’s the best, and don’t you effing dare to even consider thinking otherwise. And that’s before Trump ascended to the throne.
This time around, it’s not just about believing it’s the best—it’s about declaring it louder, longer, and with way more ALL CAPS TWEETS FROM THE OFFICIAL PRESIDENTIAL ACCOUNT. For everyone else in the world? Tariffs. You get tariffs. Even if you’re a nation of penguins and seals.
Under Trump, it’s 100% more swagger, 0% self-awareness.
No, but seriously, in a record three months, Trump has managed to destroy whatever goodwill the US has built over the last eight decades since WW2. And destroyed it with gloating impunity, cheered on by imbeciles proudly wearing Made in China MAGA caps.
But hey, America is WINNING. Because despite whatever fake news reality has to offer, America thinks it’s the bestest of the best.
Which, as an aside, reminds me: remember this powerful monologue? It’s from Will McAvoy, a character from the HBO series The Newsroom (superbly played by Jeff Daniels), arguably the best monologue ever written for television:
But hey, don’t let reality get in the way…. USA! USA! USA!
America: Exceptionally Dense
In 2025, facts have become optional. Who needs facts when you’ve got vibes? And a legion of sycophantic podcasters to amp up those vibes?
Harsh Reality? Fake news by the lamestream media. Unless it’s from Fox News, the GOP’s answer to Pravda. Then it’s not so fake.
Science? More fake news!
Renewable energy? Who needs them woke windmills when you’ve got coal?
Now, mix all those ingredients up in a word salad bowl, and what you get is a daily dose of nonsensical diatribe that passes off as national policy. Never mind if the rest of the world howls at how incredibly stupid a lot of it sounds… MAGA like! MAGA approve!
And if that doesn’t illustrate how exceptionally dense the US has become with Trump’s second coming, America has taken concrete steps to ensure the nation gets smarter. How? By dismantling the Department of Education. Such brilliance! Such Multidimensional Chess! So much win!
America: Exceptionally Callous
America… the land of liberty and justice for all. Unless you’re you’re poor, sick, brown, queer, or just slightly inconvenient. Empathy, after all, is just a European invention for the terminally snowflake.
Wait, did someone mention “due process”? What radical leftist nonsense… the president can decree with impunity, and ICE will drag your ass to a maximum security terrorist prison in bumfuck El Salvador. No evidence necessary – no crime committed, no conviction, no problem! As long as you look like a gang banger, with a foreign gang banger sounding name (like Kilmar Abrego Garcia), that’s all the due process you get.
And if that ain’t star-spangled awesome enough, America… the only country in the world that gives you the liberty of choosing what flavor of medical bankruptcy you like. How awesome is that?
After all, nothing screams LIBERTY than dying or go bankrupt trying, right?
America: Exceptionally Great at Rebranding Failure
Trump goes on a tariff-spree; markets tank. Trump: Sometimes you have to take medicine to fix something. In other words, Sleepy Joe’s fault for leaving behind a horrible economy. But then again, when has Trump admitted accountability? For anything? Ever?
And except for China, the far-reaching tariff-ic exercise has been paused for 90 days. Not a “back-down”, naturally… all part of the masterful plan, a pre-defined time out to allow nations around the world to take a knee and “kiss his ass”. And what an ass to kiss, an ass whose beauty the world has never before seen! An ass greater than any ass the universe has ever witnessed! So fluffy and soft! (Cellulite sold separately)
In the Zero Sum Brain that inhabits the most enormous cavity under that most luscious toupee, this is yet another big WIN, on the glorious journey to Make America Great Again… one market crash at a time. Mutual benefit is for losers… plain and simple. Except, of course, when it’s for the mutual benefit of billionaire friends…
Trump’s America: Exceptionally Unpredictable… and Loving It!
Speaking of China, and the Tariff Ping-Pong match the US is currently engaged in, as of writing this, the score currently stands at 125-to-145 in favor of the US. In addition, China has indicated it will ignore further US tariff escalation because the situation has just gotten way too cray-cray.
That, plus China restricting selected rare earth exports and dissing LNG imports from the US, makes us wonder: what brilliant batshit move will Trump try next? There’s no telling what God’s gift to unpredictability has up his sleeve. Who knows… In the meantime, China – apparently the only adult in this Ping-Pong match – has been busy courting the EU to buddy up to face Trump’s star-spangled bullying.
I guess we’ll have to wait, since it’s almost the weekend in Trump’s world, and there are more important things to focus on, like golf at Mar-a-Lago. Courtesy of the American taxpayers, no less. So much Win!
But the biggest challenge to Trump’s winning reign might just come from the most unexpected of places. Like the place nobody expected would be slapped with tariffs.
What other exceptional surprises can we expect in the coming days as Trump and company’s first one hundred days fast approach? Or the next hundred days? The Trump administration’s Tariffpalooza adds another notch to America’s exceptional wins to date in 2025. Like taking Russia’s side in the Ukrainian invasion and treating Israel’s genocidal frenzy against Palestinians as a golden opportunity to score some prime beach-front real estate.
So much WIN! So EXCEPTIONAL! So, what’s next, America?
myAsylum 